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Licensed Pastoral Counselor, Certified Partner Coach and Certified Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional, Speaker and Author of An Affair of the Mind, which was the first book that addressed the trauma sexual betrayal creates in partners.

December 13, 2019, 11:00 PM

From Traumatized to Creating a Trauma Informed World

A talk by Laurie Hall RScP, CPC, PSAP
Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, After An Affair of the Mind Betrayal Trauma Recovery

The absolute worst day of my life was the day in March 1991 when I went for an AIDS test after I discovered my husband's secret life of acting out with prostitutes. I was all alone. NO one to go with me. I was struggling so much over the fact that I had played by all the rules and yet, here I was needing to get tested for AIDS. I was broken and felt like there was no reason to keep living. That day, I decided I would one day write a book about what I was going through and offer hope to other women just like me.

Five years later, Focus on the Family published my ground-breaking book An Affair of the Mind--the very first book to address the trauma of sexual betrayal from the betrayed partner's perspective. Since that long ago devastating day through many ups and downs, I have rebuilt my personal foundations and created a personal life I really, Really, REALLY love. In my professional life, I am the new President of the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists. There was no APSATS back on that terrible day in 1991. Today, thanks to the pioneering work of Dr. Barbara Steffens, APSATS trains and certifies clinicians and coaches worldwide using a trauma informed model to help hurting partners just like I was so many years ago. I am so grateful for my journey.

I so want every betrayed partner to know there is hope you can ALSO create a life you really, Really, REALLY love. You CAN move from the helpless feeling that life is happening TO you to the awesome feeling of knowing how to have life happen THROUGH you.


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Categories covered

What You Need to Know About Tolerations

Tolerations are things you are putting up with. These include people, situations, behaviors, yourself, your body, your environments, feelings, reactions, problems, pressures, expectations, restrictions, and stress. We all put up with stuff. Thus, we're all tolerating. Those of us who have lived with a sex addict have likely put up with a lot as we have struggled to figure out how to deal with our situations. Here are some common tolerations partners have experienced: • Being lied to. • Being disrespected. • Having a partner who is unreliable. • Having to handle too many household/childcare responsibilities because the addict is unavailable to do his share. • Being repeatedly disappointed after planning special events because the addict either doesn't show or creates some kind of unpleasantness that "blows up" what could have been a good time and a happy memory. • Financial chaos--bills not being paid. • Needed repairs not made. • Being gaslighted. • Having our partner withhold sex (sexual anorexia is often part of sexual addiction) so we live in a marriage where our sexual needs are not being met. • Exposure to a sexually transmitted disease. • Physical illness that developed as a result of the extreme stress associated with living with a sex addict. • PTSD that developed after the discovery of betrayal. "Putting up" with a toleration doesn't mean we like it or don't want our lives to be different. Instead, it often means we just aren't sure how to stop the way the addict's bad behavior affects our lives without additional pain. Tolerating in this situation can be a way to survive the chaos while we figure out our next steps. This freebie will give you tips so you can get clear about what you are tolerating and tools so you can take practical steps to eliminate the tolerations you have control over.

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